5 Things to Do Before Proposing

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Con­grats, bro. This is huge. Seri­ous­ly. You’ve been with this per­son for a while now and you’re think­ing it’s time to make things offi­cial and set­tle down. You’re offi­cial­ly among all the adult males who actu­al­ly act like adults. Major props.

But now. Things are kind of scary, aren’t they? You may not be used to think­ing like this. Who knows, maybe you nev­er real­ly believed in “the one.” Until now? Maybe? We’re a fan, either way. 

The point is, you have some­thing things to check off your list before you get down on one knee. So here are five things we think you should do before propos­ing, besides over­think­ing every­thing and hav­ing a melt­down, at least.

bride and groom in blue suit laughing

Discuss the big issues with your SO

You need to be absolute­ly sure this is the per­son you want to spend your life with before pop­ping the ques­tion. We know that’s a big ask, but it’s is so impor­tant that you two are on the same page. Have a seri­ous talk about your goals in life: kids, house, finances, the works. If you two can’t agree on a big-tick­et item, you may need to recon­sid­er propos­ing. Or at least put it on hold until you can work some­thing out. Here’s a post we did on all the top­ics you should dis­cuss before get­ting mar­ried.

Tell someone close to you

Espe­cial­ly if you’re hav­ing doubts, pick one or two close friends or fam­i­ly mem­bers to bring it up with. These peo­ple know you inside and out—even bet­ter if they also know your part­ner and your rela­tion­ship fair­ly well—and can offer some great insight. Just make sure you trust these peo­ple to keep your secret. Plus, these peo­ple can help you decide on dif­fer­ent aspects of your pro­pos­al. 

Shop for ring

Do some research first—how much dia­monds are, how much the bands are, etc. This will give you an idea of how much you think you’ll have to spend. Make a bud­get and start sav­ing. Gen­er­al­ly, you should plan on spend­ing a few thou­sand dol­lars, unless you’re tak­ing a cheap­er route. In the mean­time, or once you’ve saved up the right amount, it’s time to shop for real. You can do this alone or bring along a friend or fam­i­ly mem­ber to help you decide and to help nego­ti­ate with the jew­el­er. Here’s a post we did on how to fig­ure out what kind of rings she likes with­out ask­ing.

close up of bride and groom's hands

Ask parents’ blessing

Some­times this isn’t a neces­si­ty, so it’s impor­tant that you under­stand your partner’s par­ents and their rela­tion­ship before­hand. Par­ents that are more tra­di­tion­al def­i­nite­ly appre­ci­ate, if not expect, the cour­tesy. If you are ask­ing for their bless­ing, make sure to word it as such. You want to show that you respect them, but you’re not bar­ter­ing an exchange for your future spouse. You don’t need “per­mis­sion” to mar­ry their child. 

Plan out every detail

This is a huge moment for you and your part­ner. Some­times it hap­pens spon­ta­neous­ly, at the worst pos­si­ble moment, and that is per­fect­ly fine. Don’t think that mak­ing a big show of it is required. How­ev­er, if you’re the kind of per­son that gets super ner­vous or likes struc­ture, then it’s a good idea to plan out your pro­pos­al. Where, when, how. Don’t plan too rigid­ly, though, that if some­thing goes wrong, the entire day is ruined for you. And please, get down on one knee!

How­ev­er you decide to pro­pose and how­ev­er much plan­ning you actu­al­ly do, know that we are 100 per­cent behind you. We’re sure it’ll be great. You know your part­ner and your rela­tion­ship bet­ter than any­one. Good luck and we wish you a life­time of hap­pi­ness.

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