A Technophobe Tries Gentux

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I hate tech­nol­o­gy. It scares me. But when my edi­tors at Gen­er­a­tion Tux offered me the option of try­ing out a tuxe­do for a trip to Vegas with 15 of my best friends, I couldn’t resist. Turns out tech­nol­o­gy is still scary. But it real­ly doesn’t have to be. It’s all about shift­ing par­a­digms. So I set my fear of tech­nol­o­gy and pur­chas­ing any­thing “on-the-line” aside for a day to try to find a per­fect tux—and per­fect tux combos—for me and all my friends.

STEP 1

The first step was con­vinc­ing my friends to wear tux­es in Vegas. This step went by with a sim­ple email. “Hey dudes. Tuxe­dos for Vegas. Who’s in?” In less than ten min­utes, every­body had respond­ed, and every­body want­ed in (I had less response and inter­est in my 40th birth­day… guess I should have worn a tux).

STEP 2

You need some time. And you need some vision. Just like Coper­ni­cus and George Zim­mer and that dude who made the Slan­ket (you need time to adjust to a new way of doing busi­ness). So I set aside an after­noon and start­ed perus­ing the web­site. What kind of look works for a bald 40-year-old with a bit of a beer gut and a bad atti­tude? And what kind of tux works for a guy whose idea of get­ting dressed up is putting on pants in the morn­ing? I real­ly thought I’d look good in some­thing mod­ern, like this two-but­ton, satin-faced ensem­ble. But I was wrong. Which brings me direct­ly to step 3.

groom buttoning jacket of gray tuxedo

STEP 3

After you’ve put togeth­er your look, send it to your girl­friend, and have her put togeth­er the look for you. What­ev­er they pick is what you wear. I end­ed up with a much more clas­sic look. Bow tie, blue shirt not white (to go with my eyes), shiny shoes. It’s not some­thing I would have picked for myself. But I end­ed up look­ing good in it. And my girl­friend end­ed up wear­ing a smok­ing hot dress with four-inch heels (my pay­out for being such a sen­si­tive and dap­per boyfriend).

STEP 4

Chances are you’ll be mak­ing plans for more than one per­son. I was head­ing to Vegas to cel­e­brate my bud­dy Squirrel’s 40th birth­day. So I had to make an event for the group. Mak­ing the event took about three sec­onds (I’ve had dates that didn’t last that long).

STEP 5

Then I got to have the fun of pick­ing out my friend’s out­fits and giv­ing them ridicu­lous nick­names. Shock­akan got a grey suit with a bow tie. One Fin­ger, a white tux that kind of remind­ed me of the Love Boat, but actu­al­ly looked amaz­ing on him. Don’t Call Me Sug­ar is tall and slim, so I trimmed down his look. For The Squir­rel, I shot for some­thing a lit­tle more Rock­a­bil­ly. Beery Sexy looks kind of like John Tra­vol­ta, so I gave him a striped bow tie, top­ping it off with a clas­sic black-on-black for Lady’s Love, cause he’s def­i­nite­ly a Back in Black kind of guy. And then I hit send. Because I’m freaked out about how things on the Inter­web work, I imme­di­ate­ly called the Concierge to make sure she had our order. “No, you don’t need to mail any­thing in, but you do need to get your mea­sure­ments.”

STEP 6

The mea­sure­ments part is the trick­i­est part of all, espe­cial­ly for somebody’s who’s 5 foot 7, but has been telling the world (and most of its dat­ing ser­vices) that he’s 5 foot 9 for some 20 years. You def­i­nite­ly want some­body with you to mea­sure. If you know some­body who’s done it before even bet­ter. Luck­i­ly, Gen­Tux takes you step-by-step with a series of super easy to fol­low videos. I made a video of my own. Then you put your mea­sure­ments in, click send, and call the Concierge again to make sure the whole inter­web thing works (if you’re super para­noid).

STEP 7

My order was shipped to the Aria in Vegas. No prob­le­mo. I want­ed to ship it to Doc­tor Fan­tas­tic (I’m not a real doc­tor, my first name is doc­tor), but fig­ured a real name would work a lit­tle bet­ter. Aside from the ridicu­lous han­dling fee charged at the Aria, it all worked seam­less­ly. When I do it next time, I’ll prob­a­bly have it shipped to my house ahead of time so I can take advan­tage of the tai­lor­ing. In the end, I didn’t actu­al­ly need it. I was amazed at how easy it all was. I haven’t worn a tuxe­do since I was a wait­er at the Hunan Gar­den in col­lege. I nev­er thought I would again. But what hap­pened next makes me think that I might start dress­ing more for­mal­ly (and putting on pants before I go to work).

groom adjusting tie of black tuxedo

Greg Bench­wick has been writ­ing about trav­el, wine and hav­ing a good time for more than 20 years. He works at home, and some­times gets his pants on before lunch. Fol­low him on Insta­gram @gregbenchwick and Twit­ter @greentravels. Want to know what hap­pened to Bench­wick and crew in Vegas? Get the pg-13 ver­sion in his next blog.

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