Congrats, bro. This is huge. Seriously. You’ve been with this person for a while now and you’re thinking it’s time to make things official and settle down. You’re officially among all the adult males who actually act like adults. Major props.
But now. Things are kind of scary, aren’t they? You may not be used to thinking like this. Who knows, maybe you never really believed in “the one.” Until now? Maybe? We’re a fan, either way.
The point is, you have something things to check off your list before you get down on one knee. So here are five things we think you should do before proposing, besides overthinking everything and having a meltdown, at least.
You need to be absolutely sure this is the person you want to spend your life with before popping the question. We know that’s a big ask, but it’s is so important that you two are on the same page. Have a serious talk about your goals in life: kids, house, finances, the works. If you two can’t agree on a big-ticket item, you may need to reconsider proposing. Or at least put it on hold until you can work something out. Here’s a post we did on all the topics you should discuss before getting married.
Especially if you’re having doubts, pick one or two close friends or family members to bring it up with. These people know you inside and out—even better if they also know your partner and your relationship fairly well—and can offer some great insight. Just make sure you trust these people to keep your secret. Plus, these people can help you decide on different aspects of your proposal.
Do some research first—how much diamonds are, how much the bands are, etc. This will give you an idea of how much you think you’ll have to spend. Make a budget and start saving. Generally, you should plan on spending a few thousand dollars, unless you’re taking a cheaper route. In the meantime, or once you’ve saved up the right amount, it’s time to shop for real. You can do this alone or bring along a friend or family member to help you decide and to help negotiate with the jeweler. Here’s a post we did on how to figure out what kind of rings she likes without asking.
Sometimes this isn’t a necessity, so it’s important that you understand your partner’s parents and their relationship beforehand. Parents that are more traditional definitely appreciate, if not expect, the courtesy. If you are asking for their blessing, make sure to word it as such. You want to show that you respect them, but you’re not bartering an exchange for your future spouse. You don’t need “permission” to marry their child.
This is a huge moment for you and your partner. Sometimes it happens spontaneously, at the worst possible moment, and that is perfectly fine. Don’t think that making a big show of it is required. However, if you’re the kind of person that gets super nervous or likes structure, then it’s a good idea to plan out your proposal. Where, when, how. Don’t plan too rigidly, though, that if something goes wrong, the entire day is ruined for you. And please, get down on one knee!
However, you decide to propose and however much planning you actually do, know that we are 100 percent behind you. We’re sure it’ll be great. You know your partner and your relationship better than anyone. Good luck and we wish you a lifetime of happiness.