Ultimate Guide to Being a Great Groom

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You put a ring on it. So, now what? Being a groom is hard work and it takes some ded­i­ca­tion to be the best one you can be. Sit­ting idly by, let­ting her make all the deci­sions, while easy for you, is not what you want to go for. Groan all you want, but help­ing out with plan­ning will make your wed­ding a more spe­cial day for you and make your rela­tion­ship with your bride-to-be even stronger.

We’ve pulled togeth­er our best advice for the months and days lead­ing up to your wed­ding to make sure you do every­thing right for you and your new fiancé.

How You Can Help During Planning

Have an opin­ion

First and fore­most, don’t for­get that this is half your day, too. Pick your bat­tles, but if some­thing is impor­tant to you, then you have a right to give your opin­ion and make com­pro­mis­es. More impor­tant­ly, if your bride asks for your opin­ion, that means she is active­ly seek­ing it and ignor­ing her or say­ing “I don’t care” on repeat is not the way to go. Agree with her on most things, of course, but make sure you are part of the con­ver­sa­tion. Being involved is a great way to make your rela­tion­ship stronger, rather than strained, dur­ing the stress­ful wed­ding plan­ning sea­son.

Give the bride a break

Odds are that the months lead­ing up to your wed­ding are going to be very stress­ful for your bride. Tak­ing away some of that stress can be worth its weight in gold. Small things like doing a few extra chores around the house or let­ting her have a self-care week­end can help both of you sur­vive.

groom in blue suit kissing bride's hand

Lis­ten

Your bride is going to be test­ed. She is going to com­plain about everything—your plan­ner, your ven­dors, and more like­ly than not, her fam­i­ly. It’s your job to lis­ten and agree, but not to add fuel to the fire. This isn’t the time to add your own com­plaints about her fam­i­ly to the mix. It’s one of those pro­tec­tive things. You can make fun of your sis­ter, but the sec­ond any­one else does, it’s war. Same prin­ci­pal. Even if you’ve com­plained about them togeth­er before. Every­thing is dif­fer­ent when there’s a wed­ding involved.

Deal with your fam­i­ly

Unless your bride just as an absolute­ly amaz­ing rela­tion­ship with your mom, then it’s your job to be the liai­son between the two of you and your fam­i­ly. If you mom keeps call­ing your bride about wed­ding details, then you need to be the one to tell her to back off. As nice­ly as pos­si­ble, of course. Yes, your bride will love her moth­er-in-law with­out ques­tion. No, that doesn’t mean your mom should take over.

The wed­ding day attire

Your bride will of course have an opin­ion of what she wants you to be wear­ing at the end of the aisle, but your opin­ion here mat­ters, too. You know what you feel com­fort­able and look good in. Add in a few col­or sug­ges­tions and you’re gold­en. Plus, if it’s some­thing you can man­age to take care of on your own, then that’s even bet­ter.

Grooms­men and ush­ers

Pick­ing the guys stand­ing at your side on your big day is com­plete­ly up to you, but keep in mind that the respon­si­bil­i­ties that come with those posi­tions. Sure­ly those drink­ing bud­dies of yours have grown up since col­lege. Right? Don’t for­get fam­i­ly, either. If the bride has any broth­ers or oth­er close male rel­a­tives, then it may be a good idea to include them too.

groom and groomsmen in blue suits

Guest list

Togeth­er you can fig­ure out what com­mon friends you’ll be invit­ing, but each of you will be in charge of your own friends and fam­i­ly mem­bers. It’ll be up to you to get address­es for your fam­i­ly and any­one your par­ents want to invite. This means it will also be up to you to track down RSVPs, etc. for these peo­ple, should you need to.

Wed­ding reg­istry

Anoth­er great thing you can be a part of that has the promise of not being bor­ing. While stock­ing your kitchen may not be high on your list of pri­or­i­ties, you have the oppor­tu­ni­ty to get oth­er things that you’ve been want­i­ng or not will­ing to buy for your­self. For exam­ple, elec­tron­ics, tools, hob­by equip­ment, etc. Have you ever actu­al­ly been in a Bed Bath and Beyond? That place is incred­i­ble.

DJ or band

Find­ing options for the music for you wed­ding recep­tion is anoth­er fun task. While your bride is hunt­ing down the best ven­dors for every­thing else, this is a great thing to take off her shoul­ders. Espe­cial­ly if you’re a music fan. Just be sure to come up with  a few options for you two to dis­cuss togeth­er and, if pos­si­ble, see them per­form live.

Food

Being present at tast­ings and hav­ing an opin­ion about the type of food you want at your recep­tion is anoth­er great way to be aware dur­ing plan­ning. Food is a big part of a wed­ding recep­tion and is some­thing your guests will remem­ber for years to come. You want to make sure that stuff is fan­tas­tic.

groom in black tuxedo reading letter from bride

Rehearsal din­ner

If you think you can han­dle it, find­ing a venue (restau­rants are com­mon) and mak­ing reser­va­tions for your rehearsal din­ner is anoth­er task you can take away from the bride. Espe­cial­ly since, tra­di­tion­al­ly, the groom’s fam­i­ly pays for the din­ner. Any­thing that makes things eas­i­er for her, makes things eas­i­er for you.

Hon­ey­moon

The hon­ey­moon is def­i­nite­ly a deci­sion you can make togeth­er. Think about places you’ve always want­ed to see and can vis­it with­out com­plete­ly break­ing the bank. Plus, work­ing on hotel reser­va­tions and flight infor­ma­tion is some­thing you can prob­a­bly take the reins on.

Mar­riage License

Tra­di­tion­al­ly, the groom pays for the mar­riage license, but before tak­ing care of this one, make sure you dou­ble check the laws in the state you’re get­ting mar­ried in. You don’t want to end up get­ting your license too ear­ly or too late.

Grooms­men gifts

It’s cus­tom­ary to give gifts to your grooms­men on the day of your wed­ding as a thanks to being there and help­ing out. If you don’t have a good idea for one, here’s a handy guide on how to go about it, or there’s plen­ty of ideas on the inter­net you can look up before both­er­ing your bride with it.

closeup of groom in blue suit

Dance lessons

If you and your bride are not great dancers, you may want to plan on tak­ing lessons. Your first dance is very pub­lic in front of your friends and fam­i­ly mem­bers and you don’t want to look absolute­ly ridicu­lous. If you are at least sort of okay, then lessons might not be nec­es­sary, but mak­ing sure to prac­tice before hand is a smart idea.

Fit­ness

Your bride is like­ly going to be diet­ing and work­ing out for months try­ing to look her best for your big day, it’s only fair that you do the same. Just don’t rub it in if you end up los­ing more weight than she does, as guys tend to lose weight faster than women.

What The Groom Traditionally Pays For

  • Bride’s rings
  • Bride’s gift
  • Grooms­men gifts
  • Mar­riage license
  • Offi­ciant’s fee
  • Wed­ding day attire
  • Hon­ey­moon
  • Bou­ton­nieres and cor­sages
  • Bridal bou­quet
  • Trans­porta­tion for grooms­men to the wed­ding
groom in blue suit with groom in gray suit

The Days Before

Hair­cut

Make sure to get this one done at least a week or so before the wed­ding, just in case it gets cut just a bit too short.

Del­e­gate last minute tasks

There’s a good chance things will pop up that need to be tak­en care of before the cer­e­mo­ny and recep­tion. If you can take care of them, great, but if there’s a few too many to do with ease, del­e­gate to trust­ed grooms­men and fam­i­ly mem­bers.

Toast

The groom will def­i­nite­ly give a thank you toast dur­ing the recep­tion, but he may also give one at the rehearsal din­ner, so you want to be pre­pared for that. Be sure to add in respons­es to the oth­er toasts at the begin­ning, as well.

Eat the right foods

Things can get pret­ty hec­tic the day before and the day of your wed­ding, so you def­i­nite­ly want to make sure you don’t for­get to eat. Along with that, how­ev­er, you want to make sure you eat the right foods. Avoid any­thing that will give you heart­burn, indi­ges­tion, etc.

groom and groomsmen in blue suits toasting

Relax

It’s impor­tant to take a beat every now and then, so you remem­ber to enjoy the moment and so you don’t wear your­self out before the wed­ding is even over. Make sure your bride does too.

Vis­it with guests

Chances are, you’re going to have some out of town friends and fam­i­ly come in the day before the wed­ding. Try to spend as much time with them as you can. They came to see you and you won’t have that much time to vis­it the day of the wed­ding.

Don’t drink too much

It’s the day before your wed­ding, of course you want to have some fun, but you def­i­nite­ly don’t want to be act­ing bel­liger­ent around your bride and fam­i­ly. More­over, feel­ing hun­gover and bloat­ed the morn­ing after is def­i­nite­ly not a good look. Believe us when we say that your bride will notice and your pho­tog­ra­ph­er can only work so much mag­ic.

Get some sleep

Same goes for get­ting to sleep on time. Your wed­ding day will be an all day event and you want to be sure that you’re up bright and ear­ly and ready to con­quer the day. Get­ting enough sleep will make you feel and look your best.

The Day Of

Be Present

Most impor­tant­ly, dur­ing your wed­ding day, be as present as you pos­si­bly can. Enjoy each moment and soak it in. This is an impor­tant day for you, you don’t want to be checked out for even a sec­ond. Espe­cial­ly any time you’re spend­ing with your bride. You won’t have a lot of time alone, so enjoy every sec­ond you can.

closeup of cufflinks and groom in blue suit

Be sen­ti­men­tal

Along those lines, don’t be afraid of the sen­ti­men­tal­i­ty of the day. It’s a spe­cial moment that you won’t for­get for the rest of your life. Embrace your emo­tions. Get­ting a lit­tle choked up is com­plete­ly nor­mal and is absolute­ly noth­ing to be ashamed of.

Vows

If you are writ­ing your own vows or recit­ing any­thing spe­cial, make sure you have those writ­ten and rehearsed well-ahead of time, so that you’re not scram­bling the day of.

Rings

It’ll be up to you to have your eyes on both of your wed­ding bands before the cer­e­mo­ny. At some point, you’ll hand them off to the best man, but until then, you need to make sure they get to where they need to be.

Toast

At the recep­tion will be your big thank you toast. Make sure to pre­pare this well in advance, as well, and include every­one you need to. As with the rehearsal din­ner speech, you’ll also want to respond to any toasts giv­en before yours.

Gifts

You’ll want to have a spe­cial gift for your bride for the day of your wed­ding. Jew­el­ry and a sweet card is a pop­u­lar option, but this is a good place for that sen­ti­men­tal­i­ty we were talk­ing about a sec­ond ago. Plus, you don’t want to for­get to give your grooms­men their gifts.

Tip­ping

Some of your ven­dors won’t include gra­tu­ity in your bill, so you’ll want to make sure you take care of that before the end of the night. Or at least del­e­gate some­one to do this for you. Keep­ing marked envelopes of cash or checks is a good way to keep this orga­nized.

groom in blue suit waiting for bride

Stay sober

As with the night before, you don’t want to get wast­ed before or after your wed­ding. A drink to take the edge off before the cer­e­mo­ny is one thing, but sway­ing at the end of the aisle is not the best way to go. Dur­ing the recep­tion, hav­ing a few drinks is total­ly under­stand­able, but you’ll have a lot of peo­ple to vis­it with and oth­er events to be a part of. Wait until grand­ma goes home and the real par­ty begins before going to hard.

The Days After

Have a great hon­ey­moon!

Before every­thing becomes too real, you want to make sure to have the best hon­ey­moon you can. Enjoy spend­ing time with your new wife, see all the sights and make all the mem­o­ries.

Thank You Notes

Even if your hand­writ­ing isn’t the best, you can still help your wife keep the thank you notes orga­nized. It is also a good idea to write your own thank you notes to your friends, fam­i­ly mem­bers and grooms­men.

Enjoy being mar­ried!

Mar­ried life offi­cial­ly begins when you get back from your hon­ey­moon. Many things will stay the same, but some things will be very dif­fer­ent. Enjoy all the small moments, just as much as the big moments.

bride and groom in blue suit

Other Resources

If you’re strug­gling a lit­tle bit with get­ting every­thing put togeth­er, here’s some of our oth­er blog posts on top­ics rang­ing from choos­ing a suit or tux to wear months in advance to what not to for­get the day of.

Look­ing for some­thing dif­fer­ent? We have tons more posts to choose from on our blog.

There are so many small details that go into cre­at­ing your dream wed­ding, but that does­n’t mean you should have to stress. Gen­er­a­tion Tux lets you sam­ple your cloth­ing before the big day, in the com­fort of your liv­ing room. See what we have to offer to make your union extra­or­di­nary.

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